ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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