I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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