i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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