I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
