listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
