Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
