I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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