Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
