CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
