well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
