it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
