That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
