So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
