Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
