Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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