i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
