I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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