Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
