what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
