If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
