I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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