Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
