What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
