make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
