so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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