I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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