booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
