I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
