apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
