good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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