Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
