we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
