I accidentally burped into my bong.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
handjob tips. give me some.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
