How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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