turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
