the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
