I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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