it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
