I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
