The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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