Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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