Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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