And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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