you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So much rum. So many feels.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
