Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
