I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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