She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
