when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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