If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
