your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
