lets start a swedish sibling band together
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
