me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
